I hadn’t slept well the night before,
And yet, during the day, I couldn’t sit still.
The energy coursing through me
Sent me scurrying around the house
Cleaning the balcony
Scrubbing the baked-on oil off the teapot.
Tending to the recycling…
Something was up.
I felt it.
Then time for yoga.
You’d been on my mind all day…for several days.
I vowed to call you after class.
My call went to voicemail.
I envisioned you busy with your kids and grandkids.
Something told me you weren’t.
Later, my phone rang, and I saw the 518 area code.
Albany, NY.
This was no spam call.
I sent it to voicemail.
I wasn’t ready to hear the news.
Brooke’s voice, asking me to call.
I knew.
And knowing didn’t make it any easier to return her call.
You died that morning,
probably around the time I was flitting about,
Crawling out of my skin.
I rose from the sofa and headed to the kitchen,
Collapsing on the floor in tears.
I was of little comfort to your daughter.
She was the one who comforted me.
How could you be gone?
Even now, months later,
I don’t want to believe it.
You’ve always been there.
My biggest cheerleader,
From the fifth grade, over 50 years.
My confidante, the truth speaker, reminding me of
My life, my childhood, and my future.
You saw in me what I could not see in myself.
And you called me out on my shit, putting me in place…
My place.
Sobs continued throughout the evening.
I had people to tell.
My kids, whose lives you touched in the same magnitude as mine.
Calls of concern. Texts from Japan.
Mom isn’t so strong tonight.
Their comfort comes from oceans away and traveling up “the 5.”
Memories flooded my mind.
We started with Boone’s Farm, sipped from the bottle
In the cemetery behind my house.
Visions of the dead visited one of our friends.
Yes, Shelly, that would be you.
We screamed. We laughed. We sipped some more.
We matured.
Our pallets refined, and babies arrived.
Toasting you with a bottle far finer than we ever imagined in our youth
I showed Reggie the picture of your profile on my phone,
The two of us, during one of my visits, tending to my parents.
Wine and a cigar that night. Oh my!
We knew how to laugh,
Even in the middle of some of the toughest times of our lives.
We had our share, perhaps more than our share.
Both Mom and Dad are gone, and now so are you.
I don’t think I cried for them as I cried for you.
There’s a void in this world, in my world.
You are no longer a phone call away.
Yet, now…
I only have to think of you
And you are here.
Be in peace, my friend.